nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
