1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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