Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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