After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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