"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
