I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
