dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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