I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
