Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
