guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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