You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize