i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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