My hand turned me down
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
