***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
