ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
