if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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