i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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