I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
