I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
