you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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