She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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