Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
