im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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