Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
