It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
