did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
