So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
