I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is it penis luge time yet?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
