he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
