Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
