margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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