what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
a search helicopter?!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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