I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize