If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
