FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
