so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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