Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
