brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize