you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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