My friends, they love my intelligence
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
