he thought i was a dude.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
