'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
