Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize