you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
