Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bring me that man meat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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