whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
