He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
