If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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