i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
