I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
