Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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