no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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