I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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