her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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