Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't deserve a penis
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
