I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
