just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
