singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
