I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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