I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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