Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
