I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize