Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
