he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
