What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
