Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
