I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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