Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
